Wrists

by Emma Freeman

I remember standing in our dining room 

that sunny afternoon

seeing you walk through the front door

returning from your escape to your parents house

after that awful day when you found the letter 

which revealed the secret I had been hiding from you

I saw the bright white bandages on your wrists

and time suddenly stopped 

as the shock of what I was seeing hit me 

like an ice cold tidal wave

I looked into your dark brown eyes

and said in barely a whisper,

“No….”

As we both began to cry

you collapsed again the wall

and I could feel the canyon of sadness inside you

I gently held your arms and said,

“Please, please don’t leave…”

In a tender, desperate voice

I heard you say,

“I don’t want to be alone again”

that completely broke my heart

If I had just been honest with myself

and then with you

maybe you wouldn’t have done what you did

If I had not been lost in my own delusions and fantasies

completely absorbed in my justifications 

maybe I could have seen it all more clearly

If I knew myself more deeply

maybe I would have made different choices

and stopped those terrible things 

from happening in the first place.